


Never Call My Ex Again

by FanGirlyGlee



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 22:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14270658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanGirlyGlee/pseuds/FanGirlyGlee
Summary: Alternate title "we could just say No Homo".





	Never Call My Ex Again

Mick's mind was made up.  He wasn't going to let the subject drop this time.  “That's it. We're taking the jump ship to Star City.”

 

Ray jumped in front of him waving his arms. “That isn't necessary.”

 

“You're right. We can just call her. Gideon, get a hold of nerd Blondie.”

 

“I don't know who you mean, Mister Rory.” 

 

“Serenity or whatever her name is. Haircut's ex.”

 

“Perhaps you mean Felicity Smoak?” Gideon suggested helpfully.

 

“Yeah that's her. Call her up in 2018.” Mick stared Ray down. “We're getting this settled.”

 

Ray began to panic. “Gideon – don't you dare call my ex! Any of them, ever. Mick, we can talk about this.”

 

“I tried. You keep avoiding the subject.”

 

“She's a married woman. It's completely inappropriate for you to ask...”

  
A woman's voice came over the coms in the captain's office. “Hello?”

 

“Miz Smoak, this is Gideon calling from the Waverider.”

 

“Oh wow, you're the ship's AI. You just call people now?"  Felicity sounded giddy.  "Wait, what's wrong. Are you all right?  Is _time_ all right?”

 

Gideon allayed her fears. “I am well, and time is fine, Miz Smoak. I'm calling at the request of Mister Rory.”

 

There was a moment of silence. “Oookay. What does he want?”

 

“Hey glasses...” Mick's voice was cut off as Ray tackled him while shouting.

 

“Nothing, Felicity! We're fine. Nothing to talk about.” He slapped at the other man's hand as it attempted to cover his mouth.

 

"Ow! Dammit Ray, no biting!"  Mick hissed.

 

“Gideon what the hell is going on?” Felicity asked.

 

Mick managed to subdue Ray, but knew he couldn't talk and keep Ray quiet at the same time.  “Gideon, help me out here.”

 

“Just this once, Mister Rory,” Gideon agreed. “Miz Smoak, it may help if you were aware that Doctor Palmer and Mister Rory are involved romantically.”

 

“We're bangin',” Mick managed to get out before Ray tried to grapple him again.

 

“Please, Mister Rory,” Gideon broke in. “You asked me to handle this.”

 

“That is...very interesting, Gideon,” Felicity commented coolly.

 

“Gonna kill you,” Ray croaked as Mick sat on him.

 

Gideon continued. “The current situation, as I understand it, stems from some insecurity on the part of Doctor Palmer. While Mister Rory has admittedly less finesse when it comes to the emotional aspects of a close interpersonal relationship, Doctor Palmer's concerns center around the physical aspect of his relationships.”

 

“I don't follow.”

 

Gideon tried again. “That is to say, Doctor Palmer has expressed doubts about his skill in the art of love.”

 

“Gideon, are you trying to ask me if Ray was good in bed?” Felicity sounded amused.

 

“Just tell him he wasn't weird,” Mick prompted.

 

“You're not weird, Ray,” Felicity declared. “Our sex life was - I should **not** be thinking about this anymore. I didn't have any complaints. Does that help? You were passionate, and thoughtful. It was great while it lasted. But it's in the past. Wayyyy in the past. ”

 

“I know,” Ray wheezed. “Mick, seriously get off me. I can't breathe. Hoo, that's better. Felicity, I'm sorry. I didn't want to involve you in this discussion, but for some reason Mick thought it would help.  Though I really just want have a discussion with him in private.  Anyway, sorry to bother you. Have a nice day. Say hi to - actually no. Please never tell Oliver about this call.”

 

“Wasn't planning on it,” Felicity confirmed. “Talk to you later I guess.”

 

“Goodbye Miz Smoak. Ending call.” And with that Gideon removed herself from the conversation.  

 

“Gideon likes you better,” Ray lamented as he propped himself up against the side of Captain Lance's desk.

 

“See, told you you were fine.” Mick looked pleased with himself.

 

Ray rolled his eyes. “It's not every day that someone calls my ex – not even my most recent ex – to get her to say I'm okay in the sack. I won't have nightmares about this at all. Once again you've misunderstood something I said in passing.  Instead of letting me explain you jumped to the wrong conclusion and gotten all – are you offended or what? I seriously don't know why you're mad.”

 

“You're being weird with _me_ ,” Mick said accusingly. “We've fucked like six different ways, but I ask you try something new and you freak out on me.”

 

“You just surprised me, that's all.” Ray was defensive. “I didn't have time to think about how I wanted to answer.”

 

“Clearly, because you said, “Nuh-uh that's gay”. Which may be the dumbest thing you've ever said, and I have a mental list of dumb stuff you've said.”

 

“Wow, thanks, Mick. It just slipped out. I didn't realize what I'd said until you looked at me like I'd grown a third arm. I _know_ it sounded stupid. I wanted to explain, but I got embarrassed and then you jumped down my throat and started asking more questions making me even more flustered.”

 

“Fine. Please explain how this isn't about your ex, who dumped you for Robin Hood.”

 

“It kind of about _an_ ex. Just not Felicity. When I was a freshman in college I had a girlfriend, only not really.  She was a senior who needed help with some coursework in a class I was acing.  I helped her out, and when she passed the class she came to my dorm room to thank me. She brought booze. I was still underage and had never really had alcohol before. She was a very attractive girl. Things happened.”

 

Mick was amazed.  "Even as a nerd virgin you were charming the pants of chicks."

 

“Charming enough that she stopped by another night...and another.  But she wasn't my girlfriend. She made that very clear. Seniors do not have freshman boyfriends, especially not ones as dorky as me.”

 

“And, you being you, it wasn't cool being used just for sex.”

 

“Oh no, I was very cool with it. Sex is awesome and no way was I going to stop so soon after starting. But I was still figuring out what I liked. I'd tried out stuff on her that she seemed to like. But when I asked her if she'd maybe put her fingers in me while she was going down on me she didn't just say no. She was upset with me. She made it clear that she thought it was abnormal. Later, when I did want to go on actual dates in public she broke it off. She told me to keep my mouth shut about us or she'd tell everybody I was a freak in bed. In college I finally found a place where I sort of fit in. I couldn't risk that. It scared me off exploring that part of my sexuality.  I never told anyone else.”

 

Mick looked puzzled. “You said I wasn't the first guy you'd been with.”

 

“You're the first one I didn't have to pay by the hour.” Ray's cheeks were pink.  He rubbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes. “When I was finally ready to be more adventurous I was also trying to start a company. Investors aren't going to take a risk on a guy who's not only trying to be the youngest CEO in the tech sector, but who's also openly bisexual. I hired escorts. None of them ever offered to do what you wanted to do the other night."   Ray opened his eyes again and made eye contact with Mick.  "I'm not stupid. I know people do it. I just never had the guts to ask. And then I was in a series of relationships with women, and none of them ever asked me to do it to them.  Although, if social media is to be believed it is suddenly very popular.”

 

Mick sighed.  “Well that is probably the most complicated answer ever to the question 'can I stick my tongue in your ass'? But since you are **not** capable of doing anything the easy way, I shouldn't be surprised.”

 

“No, it seems I'm not,” Ray agreed sadly. “You asked and suddenly I was eighteen again and didn't want anyone to think I wasn't normal. Like  you said, dumb.”

 

Mick scratched his head. “So can I?”

 

“You still want to?”

 

“Yes Ray, I still wanna do you. If you're done with the tragic backstory, can we get back to the deviant sex?”

 

“I – I wanna clean up first. Like a lot.”

 

“Go for it. Come to my room when you're ready. Hey, you're still down for getting cuffed to the bench, right?”

 

“Hell yeah. That's not even an issue.”

 

“Figures. Bondage is okay, but rimming is iffy? I'm gonna need to make a chart.”  Ray opened his mouth. Mick groaned. “I suppose you have a chart?”

 

“More of a list, really."

 

 


End file.
